April 8th, 2008 by jeorav
"Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings…" Feelings by Gemini with version of Albert Morris
One of the first words i have learned in the lessons of synonyms-antonyms-homonymns is the word "awkward". But being a fourth grader with limited access to websters words and application, I am fond of using these new words whenever opportunity permits. For instance, I often use the word “awkward” to mean “ugly” . I will say “ you’,re awkward” or “you’re bike is awkward”. Imagine using a word so complicated to accommodate a simple state of taste or appreciation.
I have come across this word many times. As to where and when I have changed definition to how I perceive it today, I really cannot remember. At least I know it improved. The word I used to describe the antonym of “beautiful”, “pretty”, “good-looking” transcends from simple everyday language to a more restrictive and better-explained creation of language.
What is awkward? Let us give some examples (Naks, parang Professor!)
Awkward is when you are called to recite the facts and ruling of a case when you have no idea that the case was assigned for reading. You will stand to accept defeat of flying 5s in your classcard and engulfed with shame and repentance. What is awkward is that the professor continues to “grill” and ‘squeeze” facts or bits of it waiting until you can answer a question as bizarre as the aurora borealis in the form of legal practical application. Forty minutes standing answering nothing is awkward but imagine how awkward classmates will feel asking you “hindi mo ba alam na assigned yun?”.
Awkward is when a religious delivered a lecture about morality and pre-marital sex and later realized that the audience is composed of workers of red-light districts or those employed in the flesh trade. Who knows if being red or blushing with uneasiness is the first sign of being awkward? For sure before the end of the lecture most of the audience already left (or hooked up with someone during the talk) and no questions, clarifications or honoraria will be given.
Awkward is when after practicing a million times the question and answer of a direct (or worse, cross examination), your witness will tell the judge or the Honorable Court, “hindi naman po talaga ganun yung nangyari, sinabi lang po ni attorney na ito yung sabihin ko” and the judge looked at the lawyer with those questioning eyes. The next minutes will definitely be awkward, or maybe every case in that court room with the same judge. If I were that advocate, I can see withdrawal from the counsel, not because of the substance and merits but because I felt awkward.
Awkward is when during family dinner of a girl introducing the fiancé to the relatives, one relative claimed and confirmed “eh macho dancer yan eh! Kitang kita ko yan nangongostomer nga yan dun sa gaybar sa Timog”. Whoever’s word between the fiancé or the male relative will be believed in by the clan is of no importance. For sure one of them (or both, lets be practical) will feel awkward.
For sure, everyday there are moments when we feel awkward, because of people, events, and circumstances thrown at us by the wheel of fate. I guess feeling awkward is a trick of the soul or connivance of souls to test our patience, cool or wit on how to move on after the feeling ceases. I guess being awkward reminds us of being human, subjected to the extraordinary dealings of everyday life. I guess feeling awkward means the stepping to the boundary of confidence and shadows of doubt. I guess.
I feel my mind wandering now and discussing things not related already. I feel the need to end this blog… feeling awkward.
