… ate, prayed, loved…

- my take of the movie of the same title (in the present tense)

Liz has seen the signs yet ignored it (started by a prophecy in Bali), in order to contain her personal struggles to influence her “supposed-to-be-happy” married life. Until one night, she admitted the fact that she didn’t want to be married to a man who loved her so much. She met a young man whom she later realized she did not love, yet stayed in the companionship because “it is more painful being apart”. She then prepared a year of sabbatical planning to re-acquire her appetite in Italy, to find “God” in India and to find her balance in Bali, Indonesia. Instead, she found friends in Rome, self-forgiveness in India and true love in Indonesia.

I watched the movie because I cannot accommodate this title on my two-book quota for this month. And because the film will be out of the movie houses soon (many good films coming), I treated myself curious what is there to eat, to pray and to love. The ever beautiful Julia Roberts connect to her character and made viewers feel hurt and frustration in her effort to go through a failed relationship. Maybe the movie (or the book) is a success because while there are lots of places to see, its underlying theme is how painful it is to let go. People can relate because one time or another, people will get hurt. Its how the Universe created love and relationship. If one had been in love without hurt or pain then that person either hit the one in a billion permutations or had tons of Ganesh idols in the altar. J

EAT. My take of this journey to Italy (where women love pasta and “sausage”) is the attachment to anything “bodily”. This can be obsession to material wealth, or the cravings of the flesh. And it is human nature to ask for MORE than what is necessary. I do not call for exemption. I work everyday for savings, saving and more savings. I want to have a condominium (that I can call my own minus the tenants unafraid of ejectment proceedings) in the city, a house on the province and hefty investments that I can use on my early retirement. I eat and limit myself to what I can spare from my savings and thus limiting activities for personal growth and enjoyment. Good thing, the movie offers alternatives --- friends and family support. I have lots of those J

PRAY. I do not have to go to incredible India to find my relationship with the deities (besides, I would rather go to Greece or the Pyramids to physically connect to my pantheon). I am a person of faith (not necessarily a man of religion) and I keep my relationship to the Divine a personal thing. I pray to adore the Divine, I give thanks to everything, I do contrition (yes, in prayers) and ASK. I think I mature more in faith than in emotions.

LOVE. I fell in love. Despite being hurt and continue hurting, I never regret experiencing it (with all incidental feelings associated). Falling in love (the first, second, third, to infinitum) continues to be a fire to a moth --- livening and lethal. A person in love is ecstatic, not exercising proper judgment and admittedly, close to insanity. But the other side of the coin is more complex. Pain associated with love comes in different package --- infidelity, falling out of the relationship, being left alone in a relationship, annulment, divorce, and many others. Coping up with a failed relationship is harder. A line in the movie said “it is painful because something within is broken”. True. But it is also the mindset. The mind is powerful to feign sickness, how much more a legitimate feeling of hurt, remorse and regret.

The movie shatters a traditional coping up mechanism. “You can think of the person, you can miss the person… then drop it off.” What happens to the rule of letting go? Can I modify? Can I think and miss the person, forgive myself, drop it off and let go completely? Easier said than done. Easier to formulate in the mind, difficult to implement in the heart. Or maybe the movie let viewers experience how to balance the physical, the ideal and the personal. Maybe until after there is balance can one let go and cross over through a boat for two with one’s true love. Maybe. Maybe not.

(sorry if there are grammatical issues)

The NAKED CHEF ( a repost)

August 10th, 2008 by jeorav

Preparing breakfast this morning, half asleep and yearning for coffee, the boiling cooking oil popped and went straight to my hand. I yelled and cursed “masakit ang mabanlian!”. Then I began delivering my lines “ano ba ang nagawa ko sa yo? Wala naman akong kasalanan! Bakit mo ako sinaktan ng ganito?”. After realizing that the frying pan will not give me a dramatic actor complement, I tossed the cooked egg into my plate and prepare my coffee.

Hindi talaga ako nilikha para magluto. It was unfortunate that I was not born with a silver (or golden) spoon pero atleast hindi ako ipinaglihi sa sandok, syense o sa higanting tinidor. Kasi kung nagkataon, hindi ako magtataka kung ipalo ako sa sangkalan o ilublob sa palayok ng nanay ko. And to think my mother is a great cook! She made her wonders through our kitchenette na nagging restaurant and was operative eleven years! Nakapagpatapos ng abugado! NAKS!!!

Then, after my muni-muni, presented below are my thoughts on why I am not into cooking:

a. Siguro, isda ako, freshwater or salt water creature ako nung past lives ko. Syempre, for obvious reasons, hindi ako makakapagluto dahil malamang, pag lumapit ako sa kawali, pinirito ang labas ko! Okay sana kung Japanese at may pagka-zen style yung kitchen, pero naisip ko rin, tatadtarin naman ako, OUCH!

b. Vegetarian monk ako nung previous karmic cycle ko, or kambing kaya? Nguya at kain lang sa paligid pag naugutom. Wala ng lutu-luto! Sabagay, ginagawa ko pa din naman. Pag umoorder ka ba sa fast food at restaurant, kailangan ba, ikaw magluto?

c. Mahilig ako sa anything instant, pati sa food! Basta may hot water or can opener, buhay ako. Actually, siguro pina-practice na ako ng subconscious ko kasi feeling ko, pupunta ako sa New York at magiging ganito ang buhay-pagkain ko. Yun eh kung makakapasa sa Immigration Officer! Dadalhan ko na lang sya ng Chicharon— hindi ko niluto yun!

d. Hindi ako talaga mahilig kumain. Pero kung akala nyo ay saying para sa akin ang kasabihang “a way to a man’s heart is through his tummy”, may remedyo! Pwede SEX na lang? (Ang programanag ito ay Rated PG, patnubay ng Net Nanny at Cyber Patrol ang kailangan).

Syettt!!! Umaga na naman. Magpiprito na naman ako ng itlog, ham at bacon. Teka, Bakit ako may sugat sa kamay? San ko kaya nakuha ito? HHHmmmmm.

DILEMMA ... a repost

August 8th, 2008 by jeorav
“to be or not to be, that is the
question!” – William Shakespeare

Almost everyday, the Universe poses options with different objectives — to measure our limits and/or
strengths, to present a lesson worth learning and to exercise judgment by weighing circumstances and considerations. When we see options in form of challenges, we step back and assess before moving to take it. When both options are favorable, we call it “JACKPOT”! Otherwise, we call it “bakit nasuot ako sa kaguluhang ito”. When after considerations the options pose intricate and web-weaving effects, we
call it dilemma.

Is dilemma spelled with double L or with a letter N? Chicken or beef? Will I opt to be excellent in academics or extra-curricular activities? I like to be a doctor but I like to be a lawyer. Will it be a condo or a car that I will spend five years for monthly amortization? Dun ba ako sa sexy or dun sa smart looking? Will it be the one who loves you but you fell not loving, or the one you love pero “so-so” lang ang effect ng ganda mo?

Minsan iniisip ko na sana may slot machine na pwede mong hulugan ng coins at may sasagot na sa dilemma mo. Magandang isipin but it cannot happen everytime. The US cannot be at peace with Iraq while bombing its citizens. China cannot (well not yet) protect itself and its culture (and its stand to certain issues) on the other hand and have a free trade with the world. Taxi drivers cannot have the benefit of lowering oil prices and start their meters at Php60.00.

Whether it be options both worth trying or a double-edged sword, dilemmas are part of growth, of experience and of living. We may not be King Solomon when dealing with them, but wisdom is the language of the soul. If pumalpak ka sa options mo, atleast there is a soul na pwede mong sisihin! Ang dilemma nga lang, sasakalin mo ba ang soul mo para mawala na sa existence, o papatawarin mo at haharap ka na naman sa panibagong dilemma?

To the Graveyard!!! And out!

July 30th, 2008 by jeorav

“Sleep, sleep slumber deep,

I close my eyes with dreams to keep!” (my sleep-inducing spell)

This entry is to acknowledge creations working at schedules intended to rejuvenate the body through the process commonly known as sleep. They are the ones attending to matters, issues or work supposed to be by counterparts on the other hemisphere. They are the ones defying distance or more or less twelve-hour difference to deliver services. KUDOS to the graveyard shifters!!!

I was recently “assigned” (I promise not to use the word “drag” because whether I like it or not, however small the participation, my consent plays a part) to a special project requiring to report for work from late afternoon to hours past midnight. My initial reaction was “ayos, parang inilagay nila ako sa shift na gusting gusto ng katawan ko. Sobra naman yata nila akong mahal”. So I thought. During our first briefing, the bomb landed when the hours required was, get this, 11pm to 8am. I, the eternal believer of pushing one’s self to the limits, felt okay the first night as it covers (although with a three-hour extension) my normal sleep cycle. Two days of this shift, I caught colds.

I had fever the next days. I told myself (again!) “Nothing a good and uninterrupted sleep and rest can handle”. WRONG!!! The streets on our part of Makati City were drilled (like my head swarming on headache and other pains imaginable to man) — scheduled two hours after my slumber. My body is tired, so tired! My fever recurs and signs of anemia presents itself — excessive hairloss (those darn shampoo supposed to be to lock hair strands to your scalp don’t work) and spots (pasa). I was on leave on the third day and three days thereafter is hell.

Maybe lack of sleep creates realizations. I learn to appreciate (which was there all along) the value of God’s gift to man — sleep. The gift I deprived myself all these years and instead availed of DVD marathon, late night reading, television, internet and other crafts. I appreciate how a sleep cycle (3 to 4 hours depending on physiological make-up and balance) can refresh the skin, the mind, the spirit. I have to admit, after a week of “irregular” shift, I appreciate slumber deep and what doing nothing while snoring can do. I appreciate people who are used to working during these hours — fighting sleep, stress while providing good, “world class” services.

I may have two months more in this cycle. If by vitamins, exercise and emotional boost (plus Night Shift Differential), I survived this ordeal, I partake to the acknowledgment to that very reason this entry was written for.

REPOSTING: awkward

April 8th, 2008 by jeorav

"Feelings, nothing more than feelings, trying to forget my feelings…" Feelings by Gemini with version of Albert Morris

One of the first words i have learned in the lessons of synonyms-antonyms-homonymns is the word "awkward". But being a fourth grader with limited access to websters words and application, I am fond of using these new words whenever opportunity permits. For instance, I often use the word “awkward” to mean “ugly” . I will say “ you’,re awkward” or “you’re bike is awkward”. Imagine using a word so complicated to accommodate a simple state of taste or appreciation.

I have come across this word many times. As to where and when I have changed definition to how I perceive it today, I really cannot remember. At least I know it improved. The word I used to describe the antonym of “beautiful”, “pretty”, “good-looking” transcends from simple everyday language to a more restrictive and better-explained creation of language.

What is awkward? Let us give some examples (Naks, parang Professor!)

Awkward is when you are called to recite the facts and ruling of a case when you have no idea that the case was assigned for reading. You will stand to accept defeat of flying 5s in your classcard and engulfed with shame and repentance. What is awkward is that the professor continues to “grill” and ‘squeeze” facts or bits of it waiting until you can answer a question as bizarre as the aurora borealis in the form of legal practical application. Forty minutes standing answering nothing is awkward but imagine how awkward classmates will feel asking you “hindi mo ba alam na assigned yun?”.

Awkward is when a religious delivered a lecture about morality and pre-marital sex and later realized that the audience is composed of workers of red-light districts or those employed in the flesh trade. Who knows if being red or blushing with uneasiness is the first sign of being awkward? For sure before the end of the lecture most of the audience already left (or hooked up with someone during the talk) and no questions, clarifications or honoraria will be given.

Awkward is when after practicing a million times the question and answer of a direct (or worse, cross examination), your witness will tell the judge or the Honorable Court, “hindi naman po talaga ganun yung nangyari, sinabi lang po ni attorney na ito yung sabihin ko” and the judge looked at the lawyer with those questioning eyes. The next minutes will definitely be awkward, or maybe every case in that court room with the same judge. If I were that advocate, I can see withdrawal from the counsel, not because of the substance and merits but because I felt awkward.

Awkward is when during family dinner of a girl introducing the fiancé to the relatives, one relative claimed and confirmed “eh macho dancer yan eh! Kitang kita ko yan nangongostomer nga yan dun sa gaybar sa Timog”. Whoever’s word between the fiancé or the male relative will be believed in by the clan is of no importance. For sure one of them (or both, lets be practical) will feel awkward.

For sure, everyday there are moments when we feel awkward, because of people, events, and circumstances thrown at us by the wheel of fate. I guess feeling awkward is a trick of the soul or connivance of souls to test our patience, cool or wit on how to move on after the feeling ceases. I guess being awkward reminds us of being human, subjected to the extraordinary dealings of everyday life. I guess feeling awkward means the stepping to the boundary of confidence and shadows of doubt. I guess.

I feel my mind wandering now and discussing things not related already. I feel the need to end this blog… feeling awkward.

SNAKES and LADDERS

January 10th, 2008 by jeorav

"Kung Mang-aahas ka, galingan mo!" - Rossana Roces’ confrontational piece urging her daughter to lure a husband of another (MAging Sino Ka Man)

I am not fond of snakes. I dont fear them, yet i think they are gross. Their scales are hard and dry, and they feel like overacting callus rubbing your skin. Maybe the writers of the bible felt the same way when they describe ultimate and ancient evil as the serpent in the gardens of Eve. Snakes. Eww. Gross.

Qualities of serpents are also equated to the negative. MAybe, for reasons stated above, they are condemned from the beginning. Perhaps they are created to balance the existence of a meek lamb, or a unicorn. Pero kawawa talaga sila. Inaapi. Kinakawawa to the lowest level. Can we blame them? What if their purpose in this plane is to be the kontrabida? Atleast naranansan na nila gumapang sa lupa at kumain ng palaka ng walang lunukan. Eww. Gross.

But may worse pa pala. Ahas na nagreincarnate sa ugali ng tao. Nangaahas at nagpapaahas. Minsan yung inaaahas kawawa pero may enjoyment factor pa yun ng konti. Hmmm Siguro yung mga ahas-ahas na yan nakadepende din sa alignment of the stars and conjuration of the planets. Halimbawa, pag yung house of venus sa aquarian age sumabay sa first octave ng house of mars, malamang serpent galore. Okay, mahirap intindihin ang serpentine explanation of astrology, so ilagay natin sa common and practical application. Television for instance:

Inahas daw ng kabilang channel yung main star ng isang channel, at ito namang kabilang channel, nagpaahas na daw ng isang talent na galing din sa nilipatang channel. Inahas ni Angelica PAnganiban si John Lloyd kay Bea at kasalukuyang inaahas ni Rosanna si Christopher de Leon sa asawa nito sa soap na MAging Sino Ka Man. Sa PAtayin sa Sindak si Barbara, inahas ni Kris Aquino (at nagtagumpay sya dito) ni Albert Martinez kay Jodi Sta. Maria, kaya nga namatay at nagmumulto ito. Sa Marimar, inahas ni Renato kay Sergio si Angelika na inaahas naman ngayon si Sergio kay Marimar. Sa Zaido, may kalaban silang halimaw na ahas.at yung story plot ng kamandag… errr do i have to point out the obvious?

Puro ahas! Hagdan naman nga!

The corporate world is a peculiar environment. Movements of employees are common and exodus of workers are phenomenon without effort. Napagalitan ka boss mo, lipat. Pinagselosan ka ng anak ng tita ng asawa ng boss mo, lipat. Hindi ka pinagbigyan sa leave, lipat. In fact, common sa workplace yung makalipat ka ng ilang beses isang taon. Sa call center at business process outsourcing, common na yung lipatan at palitan ng employees. One stint of work is a stepping stone (paraphrased: ladder) towards individual fulfillment professionally.

Corporate ladders are just there. If you are rank-and-file, you will begin at a low level step. Then you have to do your best (or find connections or sleep with your boss if quality of work and performance do not suffice) to move upwards. There is such a thing called promotion! The higher you go, the broader the responsibility. The fatter your paycheck the greater the responsibility (or forced work depending on one’s appreciation). But the ladder remains.

I can cite people from different areas of expertise or field of work with humble beginnings and presently handling power and authority. They stepped higher and higher with sweat and blood and mestrual cramps inclusive of the appointment, promotion or confirmation of a higher responsibility. But what will happen to the ladder when one reached the highest step? NOTHING. The ladder remains, but the person on the ladder must go down. When there is no step available, you can etiher cling to the highest, but eventually step down.

Participating in the professional world is a peculiar experiance. It is a jungle out there, with ladders in between. Be careful of snakes, be careful of ladders. This year, ang sabi nga "Kung Mangaahas ka, galingan mo!" Who knows, it might open a step higher.

Priori Incantatem… a Tribute

August 17th, 2007 by jeorav

"Something wicked this way comes…" (A song from the Movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

As usual, I am late again. Late to post my tribute to the boy from Privett Drive. Last month, JK Rowling ended the saga by concluding the seventh installment. She did well (she became a billionaire in a matter of ten years and beyond and iam wondering how she and her family will spend the money) in terms of letting me feel sad yet relieved at the flip of the last page.

I was introduced to the boy with round glasses in between my readings of anne rice’s mayfair witches. I needed to focus on a lighter story after the chronology of Julien and Rowan Mayfair. A friend (with braces and a chinese boyfriend that time) told me of a boy studying witchcraft and wizardry. Wow! I am into research and practice of the craft and that ignited further curiosity on a certain harry. I hurriedly went to my favorite bookstore (National Bookstore Avenida — a bookstore with a big collection and few readers) to purchase. I got hold of a soft-bound but soon finished the first chapter before going to the counter. I decided to go for the hard bound and i saw the second book. Would two books hurt? on my allowance perhaps.

After four days, i went through Hogwarts and Diagon Alley. I finished the second book after two sleepless nights. This author is good! While she might be good in prose, i am able to imagine what a boy that age in awe with all the magical things around him. I was able to relate, but i was enjoying more! The twist at the end will always be the least guess one would imagine, the chapters would intertwine at the end. Books after books, curse after curse (Snape wears Prada!), and thousands of pesos after another, the story is finally on its last leg.

The movie last month is special. I was with the same friends (the girl with braces was still there minus her chinese) i have while i was starting with the first book. To make the experience on the next level, we watched it at I-Max (Mall of Asia). When they say the biggest screen in asia, they really mean it. With colored 3D goggles, plastic bags of popcorn and endless picture taking on the side, four hundred pesos is surely worth it! The movie ended promising to be better.

A week after, the last book was released. Again, i went to my favorite bookstore and as if the book on top of the pile has my name on it. Twenty minutes after, i was on a bus reading the first chapter. Twenty hours later, i smiled and put the book with the other volumes. I am sad because the story that was a universal favorite was put to finish, yet relieved because i was not disappointed on its closing.

After reading the book and before taking a sleep which was hours overdue, i thought i am somehow lucky. I took a minute and ponder, what does these books offer that made them so "special"? Was it its prose and its execution? Was it substantial subject matter? Was it magical imagination?

Harry POtter is a good thing that happened during my lifetime. Others might see him as a wizard, a bully, an outcast, a hero — i see him as me. He is a person who acknowledges the fact that he cannot beat the enemy by himself. He needs luck. He needs courage. He needs friends.

Cheers to you my imaginary wizard! If there is one spell i would cast to remember the boy who lived, my cheer would be: "PRIORI INCANTATEM!"